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When Will I Ever Learn?

from Slats in the Bed by Bill White

/

lyrics

my nom de plume is willie winkie
my father was a hostess twinkie
my godfather is willle wonka
my limousine was made by tonka
i take daytime anabolics
and at night im alcoholic
i answer when the postman calls
and sleep in whetever ditch i fall

when will i ever learn
when will i ever learn

i woke spread-eagled in the gutter
smelling of gasoline and butter
blood caked on my tuxedo
a vendor sold me a zambito
i used tthe ice cream as a cleaning fluid
then ate the cone like a treeless druid
my pants were torn my hair was mussed
but i straightend my tie and caught the bus

when will i ever learn
when will i ever learn
on such mornings of snot and sneezery
i open my nose most breezily
with a rusty nail and a hammer
lost inside a clangy clamour
my lungs are coated with butterscotch toffee
which i melt with a pot of coffee
then cough up a thousand remnants
of last nights putrid refreshments

when will i ever learn
when will i ever learn

i take a taxi to the pentagon
where i tend to ramble on
on several ways to design a
invisible bomb to eliminate china
and how a war with russia might
set the axis of the world a'right
then i sit down to loud applause
and write another letter to santa claus

when will i ever learn
when will i ever learn

on the senate floor i testify
that the president done told a lie
though i was second banana at his coronation
im jonesing now for the nomination
im gonna give to the rich what i steal from the poor
and spend the rest on the next world war
ill be prepared for my ascent
when i decide which party i will represent

when will i ever learn
when will i ever learn

credits

from Slats in the Bed, released October 5, 2022
written and performed by Bill White

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