Thr Seagull
(for alexanander chirkov. anton chekhov,
william shakespeare, and the
leninsky komsomol)

she will always be remembered
for her performances as masha
never a leading lady, still
she called stanislavsky sasha
these days when she plays her tragic scenes
the play lapses into farce
her hands become like polina's feet
and her face like sorin's arse

it was the most immoral face id ever seen
on woman, man, or beast
arkardina stood high above all
man, woman,and priest

she liked animals more than people
and had five rooms full of cats
she exterminated the exterminator
then grinded up the the rats

chorus
oh happy days on the russian stage
where we jump into life right off of the page
but the ceiling is low and there's trouble ahead
watch out or you might bump your head

fallstaff was an actor
surrounded by real people
hamlet was a real person
surrounded by actors
he would rather be anywhere or anybody
than the hero in a tragic play
while falstaff thought the play was all about him
but it was henry's all the way
but on the stage of the leninsky komsomol
you might be a different person every day
like tarot cards in a revolving deck
on the i-ching wheel of fate
konstantin today trigorin tomorrow
personalities alternate

chorus
oh happy days on the russian stage
where we jump into life right off of the page
but the ceiling is low and there's trouble ahead
watch out or you might bump your head

everbody loves nina
64 years old and an ingenue
the oldest one alive
in act one she smells like dew
it take 64 years of experience
to play nina in act five
and the woman who can play both of those scenes
is the luckiest actress alive

all the women love dorn
he is the towns only doctor
and has delivered every one of their babies
many were fathered by himself
his wife polina is a dowdy sort
and as jealous as she is true
she says "cuteness is kind beauty is cruel
who chases after either is two kinds of a fool"

konstantine loves nina
nina loves trigorin
arkadina loves him too
medevedenko he loves masha
and masha loves konstantin
who loves his mother too
nobody loves sorin
that deathbed hypocomdriac
who wants to see the placing of the cornerstone
because he is afriaid of being home alone.
nobody loves polina
but sorin he loves nina
off stage they are the same age
but in act one 40 years apart

chorus
oh happy days on the russian stage
where we jump into life right off of the page
but the ceiling is low and there's trouble ahead
watch out or you might bump your head


everyone loves nina
that is why she is the seagull
a bird that feeds upon the leavings
of the corpses left behind
and sometines just for comfort
she comes to the doctor in the nude
and he screws her with such a jaded rod
that even the cockroaches boo.

and at the dinner party
konstantine excused himself.
lumbered off into the bedroom
took a rifle off the shelf
all around the kitched table
was heard the pop of a champagne cork
the doctor took the wooried mother aside
said your son has just killed himself

and the party contimued
and the festivities continue
and everyone loves nina
and nina has disappeared